Day 6 - blessed & sad

Today was filled with unexpected blessings as well as a night filled with grief. I was blessed to receive this today from my friend Suzanne.

It makes me feel so special that she even knew what day it was for me. I am blessed. Day 6 is done.

I also realized when looking at my calendar today that this Saturday, the day of our appointment to find out how my follicles are growing, is this day on the calendar:

I thought that was funny. :)

Mid afternoon I started to not feel so good. I knew it was just a few hours until we had to go to the funeral home.  We left after work and went to go get Ryan and Laura and headed to downtown Rochester. Our car started acting funny again which only added to my anxiety for the night. We finally found a place to park and went in.  There was a line at least 30 people long. We saw several friends that we love and the reaction was the same...happy to see one another, hating that its like this. They were showing home movies of Jim playing the ukelele in the background. The room was overflowing with people who were talking, laughing and enjoying one another. I finally got up to the front of the line and introduced myself to Jim's sister-in-law. Not her fault, it's hard to meet and greet hundreds of people you don't know.  I introduced myself to Jim's dad. He has kindness in his eyes. And sadness. I saw his mother and she said, "I remember you..Kathy, right? You did drama with Jim. What was the name of that group?" .  She looked tired. I couldn't believe she remembered me. Honestly, I have no idea when I met her. I just have a hard timing remember those details of my life. But she was so kind to remember me out of all the people she was about to talk to.

Then there was Jim.

It's not right that someone so full of life, so loving, so funny, so caring and with such ambition could be gone so soon.  I hate that I didn't take more time to hang out with him.  But I know God plans my footsteps before I know them. If I was meant to spend more time I would have.  But it makes me wish for days like college where we all saw each other daily. We encouraged each other daily.  We were young, and growing.  We are still growing ...not as young though. haha.

I had to leave earlier than most tonight. I just couldn't be in there any longer. Its ok. Its good know your limits. I was ok leaving.  It makes me wonder how tomorrow is going to be. Not sure how long I can stay then either. There's a dinner after the funeral but I'm not sure I'll make it through.

I'm glad I have nothing planned for tomorrow.  Just the funeral.  I have the rest of the day to rest. And I have to call my nurse as well.  We will be out of one kind of medicine on Sunday night and we wont know if we need to order more until it's too late to order on the weekend. So I will call tomorrow morning and figure that out.  I guess we will also ONCE MORE have to take our car in for electrical issues this time.  idk. That car gives me anxiety. For real.

Overall, I am blessed. I am safe.  All is well.  God is good. He continues to provide for us and create good things in our lives. I'm so thankful. Finding joy, amidst this confusing time. This is for all my friends who are grieving.