We learned that we were not healthy enough to do the treatments we wanted to do (long story) this month, so we are taking 3 months to get back on track health wise (find new doctors, herbs, workouts, etc) and then try the treatment in March or April. It was a tough decision, but to use our resources wisely and give ourselves the best chance possible, we are waiting. It's such a strange thing to enter back into the world of waiting. I kinda thought that world was gone for me. I kinda thought my heart would be settled and content now that we have Asher and that I would never feel the heartache of infertility again. When I was slapped in the face with the reality that we are getting back on the infertility train, it was sickening. Meaning I have a sick feeling in my stomach that makes me want to go to bed and cry because, well, here we are again fighting for our family. But I'm realizing that is what we do anyway. It doesn't matter if you are fighting to GET your kids, or if you're fighting for their health, or rights, or education, or protection it seems like you are always fighting. And that's ok, cuz I would do anything for Asher and I know I would do anything for our promised kids too. It's the unknown that is hard. Knowing we can't do what we did before (IVF) and even if we could I don't know if it would work. I guess if it was free, we might try it again, because why not? But, considering my odds were 3% before, what are the odds that it would work twice?!?!?! Anyway, my heart is all over when it comes to this, but I know God is faithful. I know it. And He reminds me in little things like what happened tonight.
My local library puts on a special event (for free) every year called "The Polar Express Experience". Only 1500 people can attend so I got online early the day of registration and registered all 3 of us. I was SUPER excited when we got tickets! We arrived and waited in a huge line that went around the library.
10. Ride in a trolly through downtown Rochester that is all lit up with Christmas lights. If you haven't seen it, it's amazing. As we were getting in the long line for the Trolly we were informed that after waiting 10-15 min we wouldn't be in the trolly but in a bus. BOOOOOO....I wasn't happy. I wanted the trolly. waaaaaaaaaaa.... So I said, "God, please let us get the trolly. Change everything so Asher can have that experience". (Asher watches Daniel Tiger who always goes places in the trolly and every time I told him we were going in one he would giggle). We got outside and were in the line for the bus when a lady directed us to another line and said we were the last ones for the TROLLY!!!!!! I'm telling you right now, my God is with us! He is SO good! And he cares about the little things. I'm so thankful. I'm so full. And I know that if God cares about the Trolly, He cares about our family. He's moving. He's here. I just have to trust him, and as the Polar Express book says, "just believe".