Day 11

Thank you for your prayers and for following. It's been the craziest week.  To begin with a good friend of mine from college passed away unexpectedly.  We still aren't sure what happened but most of us were in shock for most of the week.  Shannon was an amazing person.  She loved well and she cared about so many people.  She wasn't a stranger to anyone and she was real with anyone she met.  I sadly didn't see her often as she lived in Georgia, but I know she will be deeply missed.  Please keep her family in your prayers.  She left behind 2 young girls and her husband.  They have a hard road ahead of them but I know from personal experience of losing both parents in my teens that God can heal, protect and cause amazing redemption out of stories that seem impossible. Rest in Peace my friend. God will take care of the rest and we will see you soon. 

thanks kwaun for the photo. xoxo

This week we have had a few appointments monitoring our process. My follicles have been slow growing and my estrogen as well. With each appointment their voices get more serious and sad.  My last appointment was yesterday at the Warren office which isn't my favorite. I felt pretty good as I went in but that quickly changed. They took my blood and then put me in a holding room and from there they walked me back for my ultrasound.  This time, it was in the same room where they do the surgeries and when I walked in there I felt like I was going to throw up. I remembered last time and how I felt scared for retrieval. I remembered how Dr. B made me feel comfortable and showed hope in his eyes. This time I had a new ultrasound tech who didn't even tell me her name.  She was nice enough, but I had to ask questions along the way.  In this office you definitely feel more like a number then a person.  So many patients.  The result of the ultrasound is we lost the follicle on the left and we also are down to only 3 follicles on the right.  The size's are one 10, and 2 less than 8.  Our goal is to reach 18mm. The earliest retrieval would be trigger shot Tuesday and retrieval Wednesday.  We will not be doing that.  The latest I think is trigger Thursday and Retrieval Friday. Then we would wait 3-5 days for insemination. Dr. C told us she won't do retrieval with less than 3 eggs.  Right now I have 1 that might make it and 2 that are hanging on. We do have options. We can decide to not go to retrieval but switch to an IUI cycle which has never been successful for us, but again - God.  If we did that we would continue on meds until they are big enough and they would trigger us (we would take a shot to release the eggs) and do the IUI and hope for conception. Knowing that last time we had 17 follicles, 11 eggs (not all follicles have eggs), 7 fertilized and 3 were successful embryos........these odds seem pretty scary.  Those are the facts.

But can we be raw and real for a minute? God is amazing. He is all knowing. He has the master plan for my life and knows exactly what our future holds.  If God wants to make us pregnant, he could do that without IVF. He brings dead things to life.  That's one of the things He loves to do.  So as we prayerfully consider what's next we wrestle with things like prophecy and God's will.  We sat in a room full of people while someone announced to us that we would have a baby girl from my womb. And countless times throughout the years people have mentioned twins to us.  But here's the thing, we can't MAKE that happen. We can't make God do anything (nor would we want to) and we can't make life.  So, wow - what a gutsy move to be a prophet these days and be specific because even though they were just repeating what they were hearing, whew, that's a lot to throw out to a room full of people who are really paying attention.  So honestly, we do wrestle with the prophetic. It's a love/hate relationship with me.  All we can do is make ourselves available which I feel like we have.  And allow God room to move.  He may choose this route. He may choose another, but either way we want to be right in the middle of Him moving. So we are trying to hear God speak this week as we make these difficult decisions.

Thank you so much for walking with us during this time. My next appointment is Tuesday and we will see how things are continuing to grow.  My belly is sore from shots, my ovaries are starting to feel bloated and uncomfortable (even though they aren't growing that well) and I'm feeling pretty emotional and tired these days. But I know the end is in site and God is with us.  So we know all things work together for the good for those that love Christ Jesus.  And we are praying for peace in whatever way He leads us. 

IVF = no joke.

kat