You see during the 2 week wait when people are trying to get pregnant, your mind goes to a million places. This is almost like the dark zone - you know, like in those movies when the space shuttle sees it's last glimpse of earth and sun and it's on the other side of the moon in darkness and silence for so many hours and everyone goes crazy until they see the sun again..yeah, kinda like that. It's sort of like you're trying to live normally, but you can't help but every second of the day pray that God will bless you. Well, He IS blessing me (more than I could ever imagine), but blessing me with my hearts desire for a full heart and a full home.
So today I write an update of my Bloated or Baby game. Just a few notes of things I've been feeling and the games that I (and probably a lot of women who have done this) play while during the 2 week wait.
Sunday October 4
I receive the sweetest text from my friend Suzanne with this picture...she said, "for whenever thoughts of doubt and defeat start looming...
Later that afternoon I got a text from another friend (who does NOT know Suzanne) and all she text me was...
but God
She said when she prays for us, this is what comes out.
Hmmmm.... interesting..
Thankful I get to work from home today as I don't feel the greatest. I feel very tired and I have cramping. Wait..is it embryo's implanting? Or just that Mexican I ate? :/
Wednesday Oct. 7th
Went to the chiropractor today. I had to tell him about our treatment. He asked me if it was the kind that could cause multiple pregnancy. I said, "Well, I guess it could, idk!" **Note to self: try not to think about multiple pregnancies.
Thursday Oct. 8th
Tired again today. More cramping. Super glad I'm at home today as I can work in comfort. Wait..do my boobs hurt? Could it be...hmmm...baby or period coming soon.
Friday Oct. 9th
Boobs don't hurt, must have been a fluke. Leaving to drive to Grand Rapids to spend time with the Grands. Hoping to get some rest and distractions. Drew is at a men's conference so I'm traveling alone. Wish I could sleep all the way there like Asher. Gonna need coffee. Crap - caffeine or no caffeine? grrrrrrrrrrrrr.....
Arrive in time for dinner. "Would you like a glass of wine?" Um YES! But um no thanks.... #worthit
Asher wakes around 10pm and I have to rock him. Feeling sentimental about how much he's grown and not a baby anymore. Emotional cuz of hormones raging? Or just regular Kat emotion? hmmmmm
Saturday Oct. 10th
Had a dream that I started my period, but I was like, ok - well, whatever. Moving on. A sign? Or just a dream?
Coffee tastes horrible. WHAT? That's what happened the last time I was pregnant. hmmm..but wait..did I put almond milk in that? I never like how that tastes. Gonna drink a little anyway.
"Mama up!" as I pick up my 40 pound son. Wait - should I be lifting things that heavy? Probably no worse than when he kicks me in the gut as I change his diaper. (***note to self: potty train soon) Either way, it shouldn't matter. I'm a normal person! LOL! I just think I need special treatment sometimes, don't want to screw anything up. Wait, can I screw it up?
Sunday Oct. 11th
Enjoy the morning with family and friends. Try not to think about the last time we were at this house (Drew's parents) when we did treatments and how we were pregnant with Asher and didn't know it.
Drive home. Get sick from too much sugar in a Pumpkin Spice Latte. Go to lead a 6th grade girl small group where they want to teach me how to do this dance:
Should I be dancing? (Refer back to the screw it up questions above) Have lots of fun and drive home to put Asher to bed and catch up with Drew. We are both dreaming a lot lately.
Received an amazing package of pictures from my Aunt Mave. I finally had time to open it to find this picture on top:
It just happens to be a picture of Drew and I the weekend we were at his parents when we were pregnant and didn't know it. whaaaaaaaaa????
Monday Oct. 12th
Woke up in the middle of the night to pee. (never happens) Pregnant? Or just Pee-nant?
Had lots of energy when I got up. Super thirsty for water (which if I'm honest I don't drink much but I was constantly thirsty for ice cold water when I was pregnant with Asher). Pregnant? Or just dehydrated?
Every ( and I do mean EVERY) time I go to the bathroom I wonder if this is it. It's a strange thing to have to pray to God and remind yourself that you trust Him before you use the restroom. Try it, you will see how annoying it is.
So here we are 1/2 way through our 2 week wait. Doesn't it sound like a lot of fun? Well, for sure it has been SUPER cool to see God moving and showing up and speaking to me through all these crazy ways. But I do wish people didn't have to wait so long to get results. I know for some it's torturous. Dealing with fertility issues is so painful and holding your breath for 2 weeks is insane. But thousands of women do it every month because they feel a yearning, a calling deep within them to love. To share love. To be loved. Bless them Lord!
I'm so thankful to feel loved. And a child has nothing to do with that love. God has been so gracious to me. So kind. He took a moment to glance my way and I will never be the same. But the cool thing about Him is, it's never once. It's never one glance. It's one amazing moment after the next with Him. And we never know where we might find him. He's everywhere just waiting to be recognized. He is. He was. And He always will be. I can understand why the Hebrews would call him YHWH which means I Am. No beginning, no end. Just foreverness.
So the 2 week wait is full. It's full of questioning, it's full of laughter, it's full of family and friends, it's full of Love and it's full of God. I guess the 2 week wait really isn't that bad after all.
1 comment:
it is such a pleasure to revisit your blog site… i like to read your thoughts and understand the path of your life that God has you on.. many very interesting insights into His will in your life
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