Nope, no new word on the family front. Drew was telling me he was trying to blog today but it seems there are too many things to say and he ran out of time. I agree. This is the reason for my 2 blog entries today.
God is revealing...uh sorry, downloading things to us and basically these things cause us to be overwhelmed, squashed and humbled. I've been feeling 'whatever' about our current situation in life. Our goal=get a family. But we need better jobs to afford it. So, our goal=get better jobs. But we can't get better jobs unless God gives them to us. So, our goal=get God to give us better jobs and a family. sigh. I haven't found the secret to get God to do something. Nor do I want to. The thought was brought up last night during prayer, -let Gods will be good enough.
Is it? Is God's will good enough for my life? If this is it, would that be good enough? selah indeed.
For whatever reason last night our prayer group just had a time of repentance. When was the last time you repented of anything? I never do. It was strange because from 5 min. into our quiet time I started crying for repentance. Then that was what we were going to be praying about later. We spent 2 hours repenting our guts out for lack of honoring Him, lack of respect, no trust, wrong theology etc. It was a good personal time with God. God knows what He's doing. Having a realization of my sin or smallness is so good for me. It forces my pride to bow to the King of Kings. It pushes out anything that is flesh. By the end of the night I was just thankful to be loved by God. I'm thankful to feel His peace and recognize He IS in control if I let Him be. He WILL and IS taking care of me. I honestly didn't think of children at all. It wasn't about that. It was just me and The Father. So, so good.
Then I walked to the car.
On the way to the car someone from the group came up to me and said, "Kat, I feel God wants me to tell you 1 Samuel 1. Hannah. I don't know why". sigh. I can't get away from it. God constantly wants me to know He is in charge and that He hasn't forgotten. I KNOW GOD--I GET IT! If you haven't read 1 Samuel lately, it's all about how Hannah was barren. She was at the temple crying "out of my deep anguish and grief" when the priest spoke over her and soon after this she conceived. She told God she would dedicate this baby to Him. And she did. I've always told God I would raise my children strongly in the Lord. How could I not? Of all the years and dozens of times we have received scriptures and words from people, I've never received 1 Samuel and the story of Hannah. I like Hannah. A woman of her word who loved God. I'm not sure of God's purpose for giving me a scripture last night. It came from an uncommon source who didn't know my story. But I do know this, God loves me deeply. And I love that He continues to kiss me with His words.
Peeling away piece by piece to get to the raw goodness of it all.
2 comments:
Good morning, Kathlene! I love you!
Hey Kat.
Just caught up on your blogs from the last couple months. I'm so sorry you are still struggling with all this. I know it heartbreaking.
I heard something a couple weeks ago and was reminded of it when I read your stuff. When God closes one door, he opens another, but it's hell in the hallway. Not comforting, except in knowing you are not the only one to feel this way.
I think the keep asking vs. the shut up and trust issue is one of those divine paradoxes that exist in the Bible. We're told to ask, seek knock. But we're told to not repeat ourselves in prayer. Then we read the story of the persistent widow. Then we're told that God knows what we need before we ask.
Obviously I have no answers. I just wanted you to know that someone out here is listening, and that your Father is the best Father, he is so good and he loves you so much. I am filled with hope for you and Drew and have faith that God will bless you with all that you ask for and more.
Love,
Cheryl
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