What joy do I bring?

Yesterday I was doing my devotional and it was on mutual love in marriage. The scripture was taken from Ephesians 5-6 and basically highlighted our respect and honor we should have for one another. I agreed with the parts that told me to yield because I respect Christ. I also agreed with the part that told my husband he was to love me as he loves himself. Then they took a portion from Proverbs

Be happy with the wife you married when you were young.
She gives you joy as your fountain gives you water.
She is as lovely and graceful as a deer.
Let her love always make you happy;
let her love always hold you captive.
My son, don't be held captive by a woman who takes part in adultery.
Don't hug another man's wife.

Proverbs 5:18-20

As I read this I thought, "Yeah! Be happy with me! Look how awesome I am. You should hold me captive. Stop looking at other women! Look at me! Look at me! I'm amazing!". But then I reread what it says. "She gives you joy...she is lovely...graceful...let her love make you happy..." then I wondered, do I give him joy? Does my attitude from morning to evening burst with something, ANYTHING to bring my husband JOY? Oh man, sadly my answer is far from yes.

I don't make it easy for him. I don't feel joyful, so how can I bring him joy? I recall Drew telling me one time that he loves to watch me speak from stage. I'm all lit up and he sees Christ working in me. I'm confident and strong. And I realized, I'm at my loveliest when I am in Christ.

Even when I'm in a season of dry desert blah-ness, I know I can still look and smell lovely in Christ. But I can only have that covering, that wrapping of Jesus if I spend time with Him. I must allow Him to calm me, bring me peace, whisper truth to me. The truth that He loves me. And He has a plan and purpose for me. That this isn't the end, there is more coming. Even if I sit for 5 min. it makes a difference.

In Christ we find out who we are and what it is we are living for" Eph. 1:11.

It's not my job to bring my husband joy, but it is my job to allow Christ to BE my joy. And in turn, Drew sees that and not only finds rest but encouragement. He drinks in that joy as a fountain that gives him water and in turn, is more than happy with the wife he married when he was young.