2nd tri - what?

Wow. Here we are, second trimester. I can't even believe it.  I will say though, whoever said it goes by quick was a LIAR! haha.  I don't feel like it's going by quick, but that's probably because I'm still super in tune with every tiny, little thing that is going on in my body right now.  Drew said he's going to make me do relaxation things at night because he thinks I get too stressed at times. He said he thinks thats why the first born is always a type A personality.  Cuz the moms are always uptight and nervous.  I guess it sort of made sense.  But I don't feel stressed, I just feel..pregnant I guess.

A pic - because a friend said I should take them even if I don't share. Here's me!

14 weeks and counting....

I feel like I've been complaining a lot lately. I don't mean to complain because obviously I have prayed so long for this.  I've just realized I have a hard time with change. Even if it's good. It just takes time to adjust and this is a HUGE change in my life (obviously).  Lots of emotions/hormones etc. still flowing strong and as a good friend pointed out to me today, I'm gonna have to start believing this is real at some point and start planning and thinking of the future. It is hard. I have to admit. I have a new respect for all women who have had to trust God for their pregnancy and then trust him for the birth. And then trust Him for that first night when the baby is home. And then trust Him for when they start eating hotdogs and cheese and when they go to Kindergarten. And then trust when they are away for more than 2 minutes.   Oh man..yeah, this is my new normal.  My new understanding of trust. I think I'm learning trusting God comes in many levels.  Like faith, once you step out and move on faith and feel awesome, tomorrow there will be another circumstance to question Him again.  I hate being an Israelite.  But I find myself walking that hot path with the sand beneath my feet complaining about food and water and clothes that don't fit and round ligament pain.  God is so faithful. He has ALWAYS proven Himself faithful to me. He will do the same for my kids.

So I've been getting a bit more energy back these last few days and I'm hoping this is a sign of things to come!  I've been working a ton the past few weeks, and that will continue for the next few weeks.  We have a project at work that's taking some time.  It's a good thing, but it's tiring. I've been trying to take it easy and only work when I can.  But yesterday I took a break and got to work on a book I'm putting together. I have a few projects in the works.  I hope I can complete them.  I think I should now that I have a bit more energy. Yesterday's book was a book of our IVF journey. Mostly just a place for me to keep notes and papers from the process and all of the prayers and journal entries that went along with it.  I'm also putting together a book of messages if you will.  I've been going through my journals over the past 12ish years and writing down anything that anyone said to us about having children.  Dreams, prayers, words, etc. It's not a book to share with others necessarily, (although anyone can see it) but it's a book for my kids to read and know how much God loves them.  I want them to know that God spoke to tons of people about them years before they were born. I know God has a huge purpose for my kids. I just want them to know it as well. It's one thing to have your parent tell you you're special.  It's another to read about your story before you were born.

I thought I would share one story from that book with you.

In 2009 when drew and I moved to Rochester, we moved into a one bedroom condo. It was very small and very cheap but exactly what we prayed for.  We wanted to be squished together as we had just survived the roughest time of our marriage. We also wanted to save money and pay off some bills etc. So we moved in and it was wonderful.  One day we noticed a leak in our pantry. I called our landlord and she sent over a guy to fix it.  I was home alone that day and not feeling so good. I was struggling with why God was having us wait so long to start a family.  I was frustrated and felt alone and forgotten.  Before the fix-it guy showed up I told my neighbor that lived below me if she heard anything strange or if I pounded on the floor to come up right away since I was alone and this strange man would be there for hours.  She was totally on board.  A few hours later there was a knock at my door. I opened it and there stood a man dressed in painters clothes and a smile. He was a middle-aged man who seemed very nice. I let him in and he began fixing and painting.  He asked me what I did for a living and I told him about our ministry.  He thought we were a band even though I said drama ( a common occurrence) and I didn't correct him.  After a few minutes he asked me if I had a guitar. He said he used to be in a band and had written a few songs that they never performed but he said he would love to share them with me.  I was like "uh...ok Mr. Painter guy, you can play a song for me".  Ok, I was more like, "Oh, sure!". As he tuned my old guitar I quickly realized this guy was an extremely good musician.  He told me he used to play out in California with the Mamas and the Papas when they were big. He didn't think I knew who that was, but I couldn't believe this guy was PAINTING MY PANTRY!  So after tuning the guitar he started to play........



(if you don't see this player, it will show up soon)

I cried as he played.

I couldn't believe that God would send someone (an angel I thought) to me on the day that I felt alone and hopeless to remind me that Abraham and Sarah, Elizabeth and John and others waited.  And then God brought a promised one. It reminded me that He is faithful. He does see me. His Promises do come true. There IS a plan and God says, "Just hold on a bit longer".  After sitting in awe of what was happening my neighbor ran up because she heard music and was confused.  She also sat with me as he played it again and I recorded it. Then he asked to play another...




A song from my unborn child. wow. I was speechless.

After this song he got up and said, "Well I should get back to painting."  I just sat there dumbfounded with what just happened.  Have you ever been in a moment where you feel like Heaven just opened up for a moment and you felt the presence of the One that loves so deeply.  I know these aren't the greatest songs, but to me, they were written years ago by this man who was 1/2 stoned playing music on big stages yet still allowed God to come and use him to write these words for a girl who in the middle of her story felt alone and forgotten. God works like that. He knows our stories from beginning to end and so He takes the time to set us up for Love Moments. Just brief blinks that show us that He is here, and He is working it all out in the perfect time.

My favorite scripture is Jeremiah 1:5 - "Before I formed you in the womb, I knew you..." I love to think about the place where I was before I was in the womb. The place where it was just me and God. He knew me, I knew Him. And then I came here.  When this painter man was singing I kept thinking this was a song to me from my baby who was with God right now. And not only was I wishing he/she was with me, but he/she is wishing the same. Dreaming of a time that would come. A beautiful song.

Sometimes I stand in awe of God's amazing story in our lives. The way He continues to bring amazing things to my life. Dreams and Promises coming true. Kingdom time arriving.

One of many stories to come.