F Words

i Found myself waking this morning to the need to start the day. i picked up my phone to look at the time and it Fell out of my hands and onto the Floor.

i sighed as my insides told me, today is going to be an F day.

pulling myself out of bed, i moved Forward and downward to pour myself some juice. after which i decided to make a latte. my brother was up...he always makes me laugh. i poured the milk, it was sour. using another gallon i started to steam. half way through it stopped steaming. mid steam. there is nothing worse on a cold morning than luke warm coffee.

F day.

my starbucks brother told me to clean the wand, it had lime i guess, so i Followed instructions and went Forth. an hour later i was sipping a hot latte. i decided to Finish the First project i had to do today. i am sending out shower invites For my sister-in-law, aiko.

i sat to check my email, surf For a Few items on the web to help me with some things and i notice my mail isn't sending. no internet. not sure why. i guess it just decided to not work. so i moved on. what else can you do? the printer.

two hours later i decided i wasn't smarter than the printer, it had won, and i made the call. my personal computer guy isn't like most, he is one of my best Friends, and i am thankful, and grateful, and blessed by him. he Fixed my printer problem in 15 minutes.

with everything printed i started to put it all together, that is when i got up to pee and noticed i had stepped in ajax poop. typically this isn't bad, his poops are hard and small like a ball, but we have been Feeding him greens and i guess they went through him because it was soft, and squishy on the Floor. but i didn't notice until i was out of the bathroom Finding poop on the carpet, wall, and on my shoe. (don't ask how it got on the wall...still not sure)

it was almost Five and i was supposed to go to church with a Friend. i wanted to go, but i had set a few realistic goals (realistic before all the problems) to get done before i left, all of which i could not do (see above). i really didn't have time to go, but i Felt i should, so i wasn't sure what to do. seeing me struggle, kelly and drew told me to not go. so i called my Friend whom i never see and told her i wasn't going to make it. i started to explain, and my call was dropped.

F day.

i threw my phone (very mature i know) and stormed upstairs, slamming my door and collapsing on my bed in tears. i hid under the covers begging the Lord to end the world. nothing. so i got up, told drew i was leaving and took the car. i drove to my Friends church and circled the parking lot until i decided to just go in. i felt 'led'.

she was surprised and that was nice. we settled in to the bible study only to find out the topic was on.....money.

F day.

seriously, did i really need a lesson on right spending when i have been trying to Figure out how i am going to pay my dental bill? the Lord had just provided For me the night before, covering my First appointment, so i thought, i might as well stay. i had to anyway, i didn't want to let down my Friend, and i drove all that way.

the lesson was Fine. the typical things, don't have a credit card, don't be rich, share your money, you are more rich than most in the world, etc etc. then their was worship. there was a moment...breath.

i prayed For Jesus to come back, to which he Failed to do. and so i decided that two hours were enough to let drew worry about me. i asked my Friend to call drew (i left without my phone) to let him know i was stopping for gas and then i would be home. i left.

i decided to take the back roads. i made it to michigan ave. then it went into gear, then out, stuck clutch, pulled over. Deep breaths. the clutch was stuck. it was stuck to the Floor.

F day.

i tried to put the emergency Flashers on. they were broke.

F day! F day!

cars going around me, i put my turn signal on and turned off the car. turn signal off. ok, so i guess the car has to be on for the turn signal to work. so i turn the car back on and walk to the gas station next to where i was parked. i was sure it was closed but it was open. this wasn't the best corner for me to break down on. lots of truckers, scary people. i had no phone.

F day. F day. F day.

i went in and asked the man to use the phone, he pointed to the pay phone.
So...i walked to the pay phone, dead.

i went in and asked the man who could speak no english if i could use the phone. he pointed to another phone, i started walking and praying drew would answer. his number is the only one i have memorized. i felt stupid.

i saw it was only 5o cents to call, so i Found the change and made the call. one ring.....two rings...."hello...wait hold on a second, someone wants to tell you something". if you have called drew, you know what i am talking about. i, through tears, left a message. it was the only number i knew. 203..that is kelly, i think there are more numbers though. 615-517...that one is zito, missing a Few digits. Ryan, 734-516...i think there is a 9 in the next part. why can't i remember phone numbers???? 419..that is kari. 616-669-7662 that one is lou, drew's mom. but she just tried to get new service, so thier phone number that they have had For 20 years is on hold, not working. 989-828-6918. i think that might be my uncle gordon's number..but not For sure. it is something like that though. but truthfully, what is he going to do, he is in shepherd.

F day.

i walked back into the gas station to have another man ask me if i needed help, to which i responded, "no thanks, my husband is coming" ...at least, i hoped he was.

in reality, i only waited For maybe 10 min. but it was long enough For me to beat myself up about all the things that happened to me through out the day. i held in my tears, and in walked drew. i am not sure how long i stood there sobbing, but i have never been so glad to see him. i was helpless.

cops came, kelly and drew pushed the car into a lot and drew is now calling a tow truck and Finding a place to take the car.

i love the boys in my life. they all take care of me in so many ways. i really am the luckiest of women. but please Lord, please let this F day end.

F can stand For so many things. today it was Frustration. although i must admit i thought a Few other F words today too. but when i am in bed tonight, i am going to pray Faithfulness...Faithfulness...Faithfulness.