But God...

Last night and this morning I haven't felt the best.  Not sick like I'm pregnant, but sick like I'm going to start my period soon.  I keep telling myself I'm ok either way, that God is with me and He knows what we need and the perfect timing is in His hands etc.  And I do believe all those things.  But when Asher wakes me up at 5am, it's hard not to be emotional.  But God..

I'm sitting here working and I get an email. My precious friend Molly sent me her devotional for today.  It says: 

Have you ever felt backed into a corner, with the odds stacked against you? In situations like that, Christians too often refuse to acknowledge an important truth. That is, they fail to recognize that God may actually be orchestrating their challenging circumstances.
You may think, No way. God protects me from such things. The world and Satan are doing this to me. Perhaps. Yet maybe, just maybe, God is trying to tell you something—and He first needs to get your attention.
Time and again in Scripture, we see that the Lord uses difficulties to build our faith. It’s easy to trust Him when things go our way. However, God often removes comforts and false securities from our lives to remind us that He is the true source of our strength.
Consider today’s passage, in which Gideon was ready to lead a powerful militia of 32,000 men into battle against the enemy. However, the Lord stepped into the situation two different times, whittling the Israelite army down to less than one percent of its original size. We may have replied, “What? It’s impossible to defeat enemy forces with just 300 men!” That’s probably true; 300 men alone couldn’t do it. But the Lord could.
When the odds are not in your favor, don’t think that God has abandoned you. Your money, your success, and even people you thought were friends may disappear, but those wouldn’t win the battle anyway. Stand your ground and stay focused on the Lord. With everything else stripped away, you’ll be amazed at what your heavenly Father will achieve.
Judges 7:1-7

I couldn't even finish reading it before I burst into tears.  Not because I needed this reminder, I already know God is putting this scripture on us at this time in our lives.  I'm crying because God, in His deity, in His Almighty-ness, in His Greatness, in all His Creative Being-ness, with a world full of War and Killing and Homeless and Dying, He heard me...little me who didn't utter a word to anyone about my heart this morning.  He heard my heart.  He heard my doubt.  He heard my cry for love.  His love.  And He took the time to glance at me.  Overcome.  Overwhelmed.  Overflowed by His Love, for me. In this moment.  At this time in history.  He is so so so very good.  I love Him so.