22 is my favorite

I've always liked the number 22.  I really don't know why, but I can't tell you how thankful and wonderful it is to be moving into our 22nd week of pregnancy! The last week or so I've felt so hormonal.  I don't know if it's the weather, my tooth or just my new "normal" but I cry pretty much at anything.  I completely feel blessed and don't really have a reason to cry, but I cry anyway. I felt the baby move while I was at work last week and I pushed on my belly where I felt it and it moved again. Like he responded to me.  :)  I cried.  

me & my little bro

Kelly came for a visit!!!! YAY!  It was too short, but with our schedules I'm thankful for every minute I get with him. I didn't really have anything planned to do, so we just hung out, went to market, shopped around and played some video games.  (Press Your Luck - and yes, I beat him twice) 

I miss my brother a lot.  I miss all my sibs a lot.  I wish we all lived closer.  I wish we could be in each others lives daily.  I know sometimes it doesn't work out that way.  Maybe someday, but for now the stupid miles keep us from seeing one another.

 

I hugged Kelly tight before he got on that train back to Chicago. Then I sat and cried in the car for at least 30 minutes after the train left. 

Drew waited and then asked me if I was ok, and if I wanted Sonic. He's a good guy that Drew. And yes, I was ok, and I did want a Sonic Cranberry Lime-aid.  And I wish I had one right now too. 

Tonight I had dinner with great friends who have walked the infertility road with us for some time.  Nate and Kat are such wonderful friends and it was good to catch up with them.  They love the Lord and long to do what He says.  It's always encouraging to spend time with them and hear what God is doing. Their relationship is special to me because both Kat and I were trying to get pregnant at the same time.  She got pregnant 11 weeks before me. 

the pregnant kats

It's been a blessing for me to have her go first. I've been able to text her many times asking if things are normal or if I'm crazy.  And many times she tells me she felt that same thing and even worse when she was at my stage and everything is fine.  She's been a peace giver to my heart and I'm so thankful.  It's a miracle to see us both in this stage at the same time.  Something I could've never imagined, but that's what God loves to do, turn our wildest dreams into His reality. 

So as May approaches things are well in the Smith house.  My tooth isn't hurting as bad and I'm praying it will be healed, but I still have my appointment at the end of May.  Drew has been trying to adjust to grad school with lots and lots of reading as well as working full time.  He leaves next week for New York for 5 days for schooling.  He will be missed. I miss him already.  I know, cheesy, but I really do like spending time with him. I'm thankful I have a friend coming to stay with me and she said she would cook a bit. I'm SO thankful for that otherwise I would probably be eating cereal all week.  Which the baby would love btw.  :)  

This weeks goal = exercise.  I did it yesterday and thought I might pass out.  I wasn't even doing it all and it was a prenatal tone & stretch video. It wasn't hard and the fact that I was out of breath and sweaty at the end made me realize that yeah, I need to do this more often.  So, that's my goal.  

That's what's going on in Smith world...hope your world is going well too.  

Hello Stranger

What a week.

First, I'm 21 weeks!!! More than 1/2 way done! It's hard to believe, but my body is changing so much forcing me to know that we are moving right along now! HAPPY DANCE!!!!!

Next, my disclaimer is that I am NOT complaining and I also understand that things could be MUCH worse.  But I'm realizing in any stage of life there are things that bother us and cause us frustration.  It doesn't mean you don't like the season you're in, it just means even in a good season, life still happens.

I woke up last week with a toothache.  I can't explain to you why my teeth upset me emotionally.  Maybe it's because my mother had false teeth by the time she was 30.  Or maybe it's because I don't want to have bad teeth. Maybe it's because I could brush my teeth every day and floss AND gargle with the best mouthwash and still get cavities. It's frustrating. Knowing this, last October I was determined to get my teeth checked and cleaned before we did treatments.  I had a bad couple teeth in the back and I had to have a root canal. It wasn't bad.  But then a month later it started to hurt again. So he did a "re-treatment".  This one hurt very bad. THEN in December it started hurting ... AGAIN! I was super frustrated and it was right before treatment. They took an x-ray and found nothing wrong with it.  So they gave me antibiotics and hoped for the best.  Everything seemed fine until last week.  It started hurting, again. Perfect timing because now I'm pregnant and what am I to do? I know, get a new dentist. Which I did.

The new dentist is awesome. Like, really awesome. His staff from the first hello were so kind and helpful.  They made me feel like I'd been a patient for years. I went to see him and he looked at the tooth and said we had to take an x-ray of it to really know what is going on.  They covered me with those heavy shield things and took it. Then he got really silent.  After 30 seconds of looking at the x-ray, then looking at the nurse, then looking at me and back at the x-ray, he told me the tooth needs to come out.

I think a part of me feels like I'm going to end up like mom with no teeth.  I know lots of people who have had teeth removed.  It's not that uncommon.

not my mom-haha

But I just keep picturing myself with one tooth falling out at a time until I am that old lady at the nursing home who lost her dentures and just says, 'who cares' and lives without teeth.  ugh.  I don't want to be known as the toothless grandma.  I don't know what my problem is! My mom had false teeth and she was awesome! Maybe she scarred me because we would beg her to take them out (which she hardly ever did) and show us.  She would do it and we would scream and then she would laugh and we would too.  But maybe deep down I didn't think it was that funny.  I don't know.  But the truth is, it's not just about me now.  It's about my little boy.  And my dentist said I have a "toxic tooth" in my body and that's not good for the baby either.  sigh....so, out it must come. He said we will get a bridge or do something after the baby is born, but until then we just need to get my mouth healthy.

On a brighter note, the lady who cleaned my teeth told me 3 times that I do a good job with 'home care' and my teeth looked really good. 5 gold stars for my efforts, but sometimes even when you do all the right things you still get the tooth pulled. It's ok. It's not the end of the world.  I just get nervous.  I want the best for my baby and I feel like I let him down already.  I know I did the best I could, but life happens.  And now my goal is to stay calm and peaceful until I can get it removed.  The first available appointment they had was May 21st!!! Yes, that's a long ways away.  They put me on the cancelation list and told me to call if it got worse.  The tooth doesn't really bother me so much during the day, but at night I can't sleep well. It wakes me up throbbing. And so that coupled with me trying to get used to an oversized belly has been challenging.  If they don't call me by next week I will probably call them and see if I can get in sooner. I can't wait over a month for this procedure.  Please keep all of this in your prayers.  And that the antibiotics I have to take wont do anything crazy to the baby.  They tell me they are safe, but I'm a crazy hormonal mother now, so, yeah.

A GREAT STORY to share with you from last weekend....

Several years ago while we were trying to get pregnant, our ministry was at a youth conference and after one of the sessions I was up front praying with some of the girls.  A 13 year old girl came up to me and confessed that she had just found out she was pregnant.  She didn't know what to do.  She wasn't sure she wanted to keep the baby and was thinking about having an abortion.  I talked with her a bit and prayed with her as well as got her in touch with people from her town etc.  Then I went to the balcony and cried my eyes out. It seemed so unfair for me - woman with infertility who would do anything for a child - to be 'randomly' put with a girl who had barely started her period and was pregnant. She didn't want the baby (and rightly so, she was 13) and I did. The madness of life.  As I cried, an older woman saw me and came over to see if I was ok.  I ended up telling her my whole story and she cried with me, prayed with me and vowed to continue to pray for me.  We exchanged addresses and said good-bye.  We wrote a few times, but over the years we lost touch.

This weekend we were in Iowa.  It was a great weekend of ministry and as we finished out our final program I felt like God wanted me to share my Hope Story and then shared that I was pregnant.  I shared my testimony and talked of how God does what He says He's going to do. He is faithful. He will restore your heart and revive old dreams that are deep within us.  I shared all of that.  After the program I was standing by our table greeting people and a woman and her husband came up.  Both were crying.  It was the woman from that balcony so many years ago.  They didn't go to the church we were at, but they heard we were coming and thought we might be the same group they saw back then.  She hugged me and said she was so happy for me.  She said she never stopped praying.  Her husband was crying too.  He said I'm on her prayer list and she prays for me so often.  I couldn't believe it.  God had continued to put me on the hearts of others that I hardly knew.  He continued to bring my face to a woman who loved God and loved me.  And God heard her.  He heard all of us.  And here we are. :)

It was an amazing moment to be reunited with a prayer warrior like that. God is so good to me.  He continues to spoil me with moments of His love.  I'm so thankful.

Tooth or no tooth, God is amazing and He continues to show me how amazing and loved this little boy inside of me really is.

insanity and purpose

When I heard about the attack at the Boston Marathon today, I couldn't believe what I was hearing.  The first thing I thought was that my brothers run marathons and either of them could've easily been there.  Kelly was only an hour away from New York when 9-11 happened and it was scary to think of how close he was to that situation.  I have a cousin in Boston, she and her husband are fine, Thank God.

I got home and it was so nice out that I decided to take a walk.  The complex where I live moved all of our dumpsters to the west side of the complex so we have to drive our garbage there.  It's super annoying.  But today I decided I would just walk it over during my walk.  I was so saddened by the events of today and I was praying that God would bless the people, the injured, the families of the people that died. As I was praying I started thinking about how this world needs more God.  It needs people of God to stand up and love the unloved.  There are too many people who feel alone or excluded and they do crazy things.  We need more of God's Presence on this Earth.  We need more of His Kingdom.  I was praying and thinking about all of this when I threw my trash in the dumpster and noticed something.  Someone had thrown a Kingdom in the trash.

I stood there and couldn't believe what I was looking at.  There, among the old banana peels and empty bottles, was a perfectly put together Kingdom with king, queen, prince, knights, horses and even a jester. I know it sounds stupid, but I thought someone needs to take that Kingdom out of the trash, clean it up and use it as it was meant to be used. It was perfect looking, but in the wrong place. It had cobwebs and had been unused for a long time.  Why wouldn't someone clean it off and use it? It's perfect looking! Or at the very least sell or give it to a child around my neighborhood.  It didn't make any sense to me at all.  I just knew I had to rescue it.  Yes, I dumpster dive.  Because good things like Kingdoms, kings and queens shouldn't be thrown away and taken off to be destroyed. They should be played with, used to nurture others and help them grow.  

I pray that God's kingdom comes to Earth this week.  I pray that God's people will bring love and peace to situations that don't make any sense. That we won't just sit and do our own thing or throw the Kingdom away and make our own trash but that we will look and find people all around us that just need a kind word.

Announcing on Facebook!

Hi facebook friends! Welcome to my blog. :)

I realize now that we’ve posted on Facebook there might be other people coming and reading about what has been happening in our lives in the last few months.  Here’s the short-ish recap. :)  

Drew and I have tried for over 13 years to start our family.  We have tried naturally, we have taken herbs, acupuncture, eating healthy, special oils, special prayer, regular prayer, dr’s visits, fertility treatments etc. We’ve tried adoption, foster care and we finally decided to try Invitro Fertilization (IVF).  The tricky thing about IVF is you can’t really raise money like adoption, so we saved money for a long time and were finally able to afford the treatments in December of 2012.  Although December is a busy month for us (Drew’s b’day, our Anniversary, church stuff, as well as Christmas) we were so thankful to do our treatment in December.  I really wanted to “get it over with” and start 2013 with a clean slate.  I was at the point where I was content with where God had us and if that meant no kids, then I was fine with that.  Don’t think for a minute that this is the reason the treatment worked.  I do believe God works like that sometimes, but there were plenty of times over the 13 years that I felt like I “gave it to God” and we still didn’t get pregnant. I was so convinced that this treatment wasn’t going to work that I almost filled out adoption paperwork at the end of December, but my sister encouraged me to wait a bit longer.  

Imagine my surprise after 13 years of waiting when I saw 2 lines on the stick.  I was a one line person!!! But there we were, stunned, looking at 2 lines.  It was confirmed a few days later that yes, we were indeed pregnant. The story is posted on my blog starting in the late November postings. You can go back and read all the details from the shots to the retrieval to the transfer, the 2 week wait and finally the first test. It’s been a crazy journey, but a good one.  I encourage you to read about the process in my blog.  I had no idea what it was about until we were in it and I gotta tell ya, it was an amazing process. Even if it wouldn’t have worked, the process was amazing.  

God is so faithful.  Even through all of January I found it hard to believe that after 13 years we were now with child. Even now looking at my belly and finding out the gender, it’s so hard for me to believe.  But my body is reminding me everyday that this is happening.  God really hears our prayers. Even the ones that we’ve prayed for for years and never thought would be answered.  He secretly waits for the right time to reveal Himself if we stay with Him.  I could have never written the story of my life.  It’s much too complicated and I would’ve keep all of the tragedy out of it.  But it’s the tragedy that has made the triumphs so sweet.  I can’t explain how this pregnancy, this miracle, has affected people. People I don’t even know were crying when they found out about our coming baby.  And I think it’s because Hope was being restored; not only in my life, but in thiers.  It’s a reminder that if God can do this for me, maybe He can do it for other people too. It has been a long winter, but the promise of Spring is here.

Thanks for reading about what God is doing with us.  If you are REALLY bored you can start at the beginning of the story here:

Journey to our blessing!

I will continue to blog as I know family is keeping updated here so please feel free to stop by.  It’s not always about baby stuff as life is much much bigger than baby stuff.  But as we continue to live out our new miracle I ask that you would keep us in your prayers and know that we are praying for God’s blessing and goodness in your life too.

 

Holy Moly..It's A........

First, let me say, I'm SO happy that everything is great with the baby. I was most concerned about that today as a little fear had crept in.  To hear the ultrasound tech say over and over "that's beautiful" was the best news I could have heard all day.  She would see the heart and say, "that's beautiful", the brain, "that's beautiful" and every little part of it's body.  Then she asked us if we wanted to know if it was a boy or a girl and we said, "YES!".  So she looked, took a picture and said....

It's a.... 

click the link ;)

Reveal Day Eve

Nervous...

Excited!!!

Nervous....

Excited!!!

Nervous...

Excited!!!

Life - always mixed with joy, sadness and hope.

This has been a strange week.

It began on Easter. What an amazing time I had having family over.  Kari and family plus Lou and Dick came over to spend Easter with us.  We were so blessed by our neighbor Molly who let us use her apartment so everyone would have a bed.  Being with all of that family was so wonderful for my heart.   I am so blessed by people who love me, but it's so good to see family that I don't get to see very often. If only my brothers could have joined us, maybe next year. :)   We went for a long walk on Friday (my idea) to feed the ducks.  I thought it would be good to get out, and it was.  However, I didn't think about how the 1.5 miles might feel on my body.  I got a bit nervous on the way back as I was getting very tired, but I took the rest of the night easy and I was fine. The rest of the weekend we spent time just having fun and laughing.  It was so great.

Easter Sunday was met with finding baskets of candy and a sermon by one of my hero's Pastor Richard that talked about how Jesus is the only way and we shouldn't be afraid to say it.  Culture seems to take over our minds at times and we begin to believe in our hearts things that we are reasoning out. But truth is truth, always. It was a good reminder.

Our friends had a baby Easter Sunday as well!  They all were doing well although the baby was born a month early.  He had to stay at the hospital for the week, but he's doing better now and hopes to go home soon!

Monday came and I discovered a co-worker lost her mother on Easter Sunday.  When we went to the viewing she described how wonderful it was that her mother died on Easter.  She said it was the best way to celebrate her 96 year old mothers life and she deserved to go home on that special day.  It was sad to know her mother was now gone from earth, but it was a perfect departing.

I also found out Monday that a friend of mine who was going through fertility treatments like we did, did not have a positive result.  I was stunned.  So many were praying for her and I really felt like it was going to work.  There are no words to describe how I felt about that news.  Knowing that disappointment of wanting and thinking that this is it...when it ends up not being it.  I lived that for many years.  And as another friend told me once, 'Just because I'm pregnant now doesn't take away those deep feelings that I felt just a few months ago'.  That statement is so true.  I felt guilty that the treatment worked for us and not for them, but I also remembered that everyones story is different and this is my story, that is her story - AND that God isn't done with either of our stories yet.  That BOTH stories should and will be filled with hope and blessing and the goodness of God.  To be in His will is the best place to be.  Even if it feels like hell for awhile.  We will stand in the midst of fire, but not get burned.  If we stay close to him.  One of my favorite songs that I listened to all of December..Alright (click to hear).

So as I held the tiniest hand of a newborn in an incubator I thought of the sadness that also surrounded others in my life this week, and I was thankful for life.  I was thankful that there is still hope that things don't end with sadness or death.  New life comes. Life continues.  Life takes over.  Life brings laughter and joy, in the morning.  There is hope because there's always a tomorrow. God is good. And that little baby hand was precious.

As I held that little hand I kept looking at him and thinking, "Oh my word...this is inside of me..growing".  I can't explain how strange that is.  I've felt little movements this week almost everyday. I'm SO thankful! I was crying to drew and saying that I couldn't feel anything and then as I'm saying it, I DID feel something.  So through my tears I say, "I can't feel the baby....Oh wait..I'm feeling it now.....".  And Drew was like, "Are you serious?". Poor drew...maybe pray for him as my emotions are CRAZY!  He has been so awesome to me. He has been taking care of me so much. I'm completely blessed by him!

Speaking of Drew.... he was accepted to GRAD SCHOOL this week!!!!!!!!  He will be studying (pause while I copy and paste this degree..) M.A./Ph.D. in Depth Psychology with Emphasis in Jungian and Archetypal Studies. Doesn't that sound fun? Basically he wants to teach at the collegiate level and hopes to study more on why man believes what he believes and the core needs of man.  That's about 1/18th of what he wants to do. haha.  He could describe it WAY better than I, but all I know is I'm proud of him. He takes 2 classes at a time and has over 200 pages to read in the first week.  I'm gonna guess cartoon watching will take a backseat for awhile.  ;)  He's so excited and I love seeing him be able to start a life long dream of his.  God is starting a lot of amazing things in our lives.

SO---this week we find out BOY or GIRL! I've had several people changing their minds in the last minutes of guessing.  I will keep my guessing to myself, but I know either way this baby is created for something amazing.  Don't worry, we WILL post this week when we find out and you will be the first-ish to know. I also think we might post on facebook this week.  I'm feeling more confident about just putting it all out there.  Why not, right? We are all in this together. (Don't leave me now people, I NEED YOU!)

Ok--that's the update for now.  Hope you are all happy and blessed.