I'm that girl

A strange thing is happening to me.  Now that I'm almost 30 weeks (YES-- 30! Can you even believe it?!?! God is SO good!) a strange thing is starting to happen.  People are stopping and looking.

I've decided I don't think I look "big" but as my dr. explained it to me, she said most people only know 3 different stages of pregnancy.

1. Not pregnant.
2. Maybe pregnant.
3. Ready to give birth.

She said the time in between early pregnant and giving birth is different for everyone and when you finally "pop" out and your belly looks like a pregnant belly, most people think its time for you to give birth.  This is why people ask me "when are you due?" and when I tell them September they get this horrified look on their face as if they want to scream "OH NO! YOUR BABY IS GOING TO BE ADULT SIZE BY THEN!".  But they just smile instead and say, "Oh! Good luck!".  :-/

For the past month people have said those things to me.  Or the famous, "Are you SURE you're not having twins or triplets?".  Yes, I'm sure.  I wish I was, but alas, I'm not.  I just have a big womb baby belly with one awesome little guy and I'm so thankful for him! But people don't really know that those phrases make pregnant women crazy.  I think some of those women who say them just have forgotten what it was like to be 7 months pregnant and feel like your body is not your own.

But this week, something has changed. This week I feel people...staring....

I was thinking it might have been because of the tighter shirt I was wearing that really showed off that bump I've been waiting for.  I walked into a party last Saturday and a crowd gathered around me.  All so excited about the baby.  I figured it was because my bump was really sticking out.  But today I wore a black shirt with a light jacket over it.  Black is slimming and I could barely tell I was pregnant with that jacket. I walked into a restaurant and LITERALLY people stopped eating to look at me.  All were women.  All were smiling.  One lady even turned around and looked right at me and smiled because her friend must have said, "Look at that pregnant lady!".  I heard another lady whisper something to her friend and then they both looked at me and smiled.  It was weird. I felt like I was famous or something.  The truth is, pregnant people are cute. I wouldn't have said I was a cute pregnant person, but I did have on a cute skirt.  ;)  Baby bumps are cute.  It's true. Everyone wants to see them, smile at them and yes, touch them.  I let people touch my bump because they just stand with the biggest smile looking at it. Like their heart might burst if they don't just...touch it!  I think that part is funny.

I remember looking at pregnant people and thinking they were so cute.  I never wanted to touch the belly though.  That was just me.  But it is an amazing thing that is taking place within me.  Third Trimester.  My body continues to change and it's hard for me to keep up with the changes.

Drew actually got nervous last night when I was sleeping because the baby was moving so much.  I told him that was normal and right now he has a lot of room so he's taking advantage! Every day he moves a ton and I can tell he's getting bigger.  I can feel his movement from the right side of my body and then the left.  I feel him high above and then very low.  He moves and it makes me have to pee.  Even though I just peed 2 minutes ago. I can't decide if it's his little hands or his little feet that I feel on my bladder, but I know it's something!  And even though these new movements cause me to have strange pains, I love every one of them.

I dreamed last night (while he was moving I'm sure) that he was upset and I was trying to calm him down while he was in my womb.  Then one second later he was outside of my womb and I was holding him and kissing him to calm him. But only he was now a girl.  Laura as there and I was showing her how cute he was. Then Kelly (and I) rode the airport in a flying Vista.  That's pretty much where it ended.  I think I woke to pee after that.

My first shower is this weekend! I can't believe it's shower season already. Praying for no rain and lots of laughs.  It's a pretty chill party so it should be fun! I can't wait to see everyone.

Next week Monday is my next baby appointment. ~ July 1st ~ BIRTHDAY! I would have never in a million years guessed that I would be pregnant for my 41st birthday.  This is a crazy ride God has us on.  Always surprising and always so very fun. I am blessed!

prayers for a friend

Today is a sad day for a few of my friends.  Please take a moment and say a prayer of strength and peace over them.


When I first started to go to our church, Rochester First Assembly, I was invited to go to an infertility group that was meeting there.  I decided to go and check it out.  We met at a girls house and her name was Amanda Jones.  There were several girls at this meeting and we all shared our stories and encouraged each other in our journey towards family and motherhood.  Several months after that meeting Amanda got pregnant.  It was a miracle.  The dr.'s had told her she would never have kids and they were getting ready to do foster care in hopes to adopt one day.  After having a beautiful boy she surprisingly got pregnant again!  And then after her 2nd child was born again she found herself with child!  This time it was a girl.  This past week she gave birth to that little girl, 7 weeks early.  She wasn't breathing well and the dr's discovered that little baby Hannah was born with a very rare disease where she had too much calcium in her arteries and in a matter of days it would destroy her.  Our whole church and many others prayed for baby Hannah, but she went back to God to be with Him today.  Miracle turned to tragedy.  My heart breaks.

I can't imagine her pain.

I can't imagine her confusion.

I just can't imagine.

In times like these where my heart breaks for a friend, I wonder what's going on in this world.  Why do we live in a place where bad things happen even to good people.  Why did God not answer our prayers? The prayers of hundreds!  Could we have changed His mind? Did He have control over this? I used to ask these same questions of my own personal tragedies.  Wondering why God didn't step in and stop the circumstances that killed my parents.  I felt like God could do anything, so why did He choose to be silent that day?  Why did He choose to be silent today?  These questions are hard and linger for so long with no answers.

I've heard too many of these stories like Amanda's of children leaving us way to soon.  I wonder how it all works.  I look for a pattern to make sure I or any of my family and friends do not fall into any bad tragedies.  But there is no pattern.  There is no calculation that would allow us to have a perfect life.   We will have pain.  We will suffer. We DO have hope.  We DO have redemption from God in our situations.  But that doesn't always answer the WHY's that we scream in the middle of the night.  I've screamed that "why me?".  I never really got an answer, but I'm beginning to believe rain falls on the just and the unjust.  Tragedy will strike us at some point.  Maybe not like Amanda's story as I know her story is not my story.  And my story is not her story.  We each walk this road to motherhood but they are different to us all.  We both encounter tragedy and sadly this will not be the last sad night we ever live.  But God is here.

God is in the hospital with them right now.  God is with them when they go home to hug their 2 little boys. God is with the woman filled with disease who dies too young and leaves young children to be raised by a single father.  God is with the neighbor whose husband commits suicide.  God is with the homeless man who for 10 years drinks his morning McDonalds coffee on the side of a hill as he asks for cigarettes from strangers. God is with cousins who struggle to live a normal life and end up in car wrecks and find themselves in surgery.  God is with us.  He is near.  He is ready to take this broken world and redeem it.  One day He will come and restore all things.  But until then, he holds us close and redeems one tragedy at a time. And for that I am thankful. For His arms are the best arms to fall into.


...weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning.

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. ~Romans 15:13

every moment

I'm reading the book one thousand gifts by Ann Voskamp.  It's a book about one woman's journey to thankfulness and how this one thing helps her heal and basically changes her life.  It's not my favorite type of writing.  I find it hard to get through some of the ways that she describes things, but there are good points that she brings up. Today I was reading a chapter where she was talking about how we are all in a rush all the time trying to get more time.  But the secret to getting more time isn't rushing, it's slowing down.  This way we can recognize what God has given us now, in this moment, and we wont miss anything.  I thought this was a good reminder to me to enjoy every moment of my life right now. To stop and slow down.  I've had a pretty open schedule overall anyway, but I want to enjoy every moment.  As I think that is what God intended for us. For me.

Little babe got his first hiccups this week.  They came on lunch break at work on Tuesday.  I remember thinking this kid has good rhythm and then it hit me..hiccups. Drew was there to feel them and as he was amazed by it I looked up and he had tears in his eyes.  Then I did too.  God is amazing how he creates such Joy within me.  Living Joy flowing out with every kick, every movement, every hiccup.  Many times at work I stop and close my eyes and just enjoy his movement.  It's something I never even thought about mourning in my years past.  And here is this miracle movement inside of me reminding me at 4am that he is here, growing and happy.

We had our first birthing class this week.  There is a woman who goes to our church and loves to teach birthing classes.  She's been a nurse for over 35 years and has witnessed over 1,000 births.  She approached us asking if we wanted to meet with her sometime for a session. We have good friends that are due in a week or so and they were going to meet with her soon so they let us sit in on their private session. It was AWESOME!  I felt so great knowing that we could ask any question as she taught us step by step what happens from the moment you think you are in labor.  She spoke of peace and relaxation and she made me feel like I could do this.  I know labor could be hard (she also said it's NOT hard for all women - she was one of them) but I also know that trying to stay calm, relaxed and peaceful seems like an important part.  We got to watch a few births on video and honestly they weren't as bad as I thought they would be.  I've never seen a birth and I thought it would be totally disgusting.  I'm sure some are.  I'm sure there will be goop and blood and lots of other things.  But I appreciated the way she explained everything and how things work.  It was a great meeting and I felt more confident after I left.  So thankful for Vicki.

I tried cooking again this week. I cooked several things.  Most of them ended up getting burned, others just didn't turn out. I said I would never blame things on pregnancy, but it's been a proven fact that women lose brain cells or something when pregnant. I honestly think pregnancy has made me a bad cook. Ask Drew. He will confirm.  So, I think I'm giving up on the whole cooking thing and I'm looking for other alternatives.  Poor Drew. I really do feel bad for him.  But he's a good sport and honestly doesn't care that much.  But I have to figure out a way to get healthy yummy food into our home.

27 weeks.  That's where we are.  Feeling good and feeling like I'm growing all the time.  Drew tells me I have a disorder where I think I'm bigger than I am.  When I look at myself in the mirror I feel HUGE but he assures me that I don't look that way.  I hope he's not lying.  But even if he is, he's a good husband.  ;-)

I go back to the dr. on Monday.  This appointment is for the glucose test. I have to drink a small bottle of sugar water before I go to the dr. to determine if my body creates enough insulin during this part of the pregnancy.  I've been a little bloated this past week so I'm hoping that's not a bad sign.  I do think my feet a getting a touch bigger.  Either way, I know God will help me do what I have to do.  But I'm praying for perfect health.  Getting a tooth pulled was horrible enough so I'm hoping that's all issues I have. I'm not sure what else they will do besides hear the baby's heartbeat, take my weight and blood and see if I have any questions. It should be good!

I hope to make another update after my appointment.  Going to the Loon's game on Monday so it wont be till later in the week.  I'm thankful for all of you that love me so.  God is so good.

27 weeks and growing! 

The Golden Jubilee

Commitment.....


My Aunt Joan celebrated her Golden Jubilee this weekend.  She decided at the young age of 18 that she wanted to dedicate her life to God forever.  She became a nun and gave herself to serving others for the rest of her life.  50 years later, she celebrates.  And rightly so.

I've been thinking a bunch about her decision and how huge that was.  When I was 18 all I could think about was getting out of the house and finding a boyfriend.  I don't know what kind of heart God has to give a teenager to help them make a LIFETIME decision like the one my aunt made.  Once that decision was made, her life was never the same.

Her family (especially mother) was so proud of her.  She went off to study (earning several degrees which is amazing considering my grandparents never finished high school) and learned not only about the world that she lived but also about God and people and community.  She learned to serve selflessly.  She learned to help those who have none.  She helped heal the broken hearted and bind up their hurts.  She cultivated her compassion and drew out the parts of her heart that were most like Jesus while ignoring the parts that were soul-ish, or more worldly.

She's never been to Rome, but she's going soon.  I'm so excited for her to learn about the heritage that she's read and lived her whole life.  I want her to see it with her own eyes.  I want her to touch the buildings and feel God's presence alive and strong in the churches that still stand to Praise and recognize Jesus and God as the One True God. I want God to bless her with experiences she never thought imaginable.  For all that she's sacrificed, I pray her to be blessed.

She studied in Grand Rapids and now lives in Lansing. Lansing. I thought about how many other places she could've lived.  As a nun, I'm sure she could've been commissioned to live anywhere in the world.  This week as I prayed, admired and thought about Aunt Joan, I thought, "Oh my word...why Lansing?".  I would've pulled some strings and asked to go to Europe, South America or even the Far East. But my Aunt Joan went where God would have her go.

I'm not sure if you've ever been to Lansing, Mi., but Lansing is our capital.  It's not like Detroit, but in my opinion, it's like the next step.  It seems the city has lost it's excitement as the buildings started showing their age years ago.  It seems dirty.  Tired.  Lacking.  And I wondered why God would send her there.  I really don't know the "reason" why she ended up in Lansing, but if you've ever been to Michigan I hope you know there are about a million other places that are nicer to live.  I realize I'm painting a horrible picture of it.  It's not THAT bad, but for someone who has given up everything in her life to worship God and give to others, I would want them to live in Traverse City on the waters edge seeing God's beauty everyday! But then I realized, if there was somewhere that God knew Aunt Joan needed to be, it was probably Lansing.  A place that needs God.  A place where people are lonely and tired.  A sleepy city that needs the light of Christ to shine into it so it can be awakened.  I wonder how many times my Aunt has prayed for our cities, our state, our country.  She couldn't get any closer to the place where the most important decisions are made for our state.  Yes, maybe Lansing is exactly where she was supposed to be.  Well...I guess it is since she is there.  ;)   But maybe I can feel a bit more settled knowing she loves God and brings that Spirit into the city where decisions are made that will affect my family, my state, my future, my life.  I'm so thankful God is smart.  I'm so thankful for people like Aunt Joan who say yes Lord.

I don't know my Aunt Joan super well.  It's one regret that I have in my life.  Sometimes decisions are made for you that sort of break your heart later in life.  I have a few nieces that I love and because of decisions made for them I don't know them super well.  It's hard.  I wish it was different.  But I just do the best I can with what God has given me.  I plan on taking some time to spend with Aunt Joan to hear her heart and get to know her better.  I know it's never too late etc. but there is still a past regret that sometimes lingers.  Some days I wish Aunt Joan was my God mother.  I think in a way she should've been or would've been.  There's a place in my heart that whispers that if things were different at one time, my mother would've asked her to be that for me.  I think she would've taken that role seriously.  As her dedication to God has been, serious.  When she says yes to a commitment, clearly she means yes for life.  I love that.

My sister tells me stories about how for a brief time in her life my mom, Kevin and her lived with Aunt Joan in the convent.  I can't imagine that.  To me, that would be the coolest place to live. Kari describes it was such.  She remembers running up and down the halls and getting hushed by the nuns to keep quiet, but also loving the attention.  It was a God heart that opened that door to my mother in a time when she needed help.  That is the type of person Aunt Joan is.  She loves her family and will do anything for them.  Even if never repaid.  Even if never thanked.  Even if never recognized.  That's kinda how Jesus lived all the time.  Constantly giving.  Hardly ever receiving. But I believe God filled his heart back up to give more and just knowing God was doing that made the rest ok.  I'm pretty sure Aunt Joan is like that too.  Knowing that God is enough. God is near.  God sees.  God rewards with His presence.  And that is, well, enough.

Happy 50 year Anniversary! 

I'm thankful for my Aunt Joan. She is someone to be admired and walk after.  Just as Paul said, "do as I do as I imitate Christ".  My Aunt Joan isn't perfect, but it takes an amazingly close walk with God to trudge through the good and the ugly of life and come out on the other side of 50 years of marriage to God and still like him.  And still love Him.  Life is extremely confusing, but she gets it.  She knows God is good.  She knows He isn't done and that He is coming once again to redeem all things.  This is not the end of the story, and this is the reason for her being firmly rooted and content with whatever may come her way.

May God continue to bless Sister Carla, my Aunt Joan for all that she has done and continues to do for the world, for strangers, for her family and for me.  I love you so much and I'm blessed and honored to be your niece.