yes, I WILL follow you....but, could I have some bread?

Reality.

it sucks.

I think in a magical perfect world, money really would grow on trees. The people I love would be taken care of and set free from financial debt and inprisonment. And I would be able to do what I feel like God is calling me to do. Why does God call His people, or at least some of us, to sacrifice all (finances, family, comfort, health, friends, even church) to do His work. Everyone is different and I know we shouldn't question God, but I get frustrated. I get frustrated not knowing God's will for my life, and the ministry He has me in. I would love to take all of my unbelievable friends and family and allow them to excell in the gifts God gave them. But reality is, I can't. I can't keep pretending that God is going to provide a way for my debt to be taken care of. Or that I will even be provided for monthly. He CAN do it, but I am not so sure that He is going to drop that million dollar publishers clearing house check in my lap. Maybe He has another way of taking care of me. He DOES provide, but not the ways I would want. I hate reality that is constantly in my brain telling me things are impossible. I know God can do all things. But reality weighs on me like a brick. holding me down. Dispite this holding, I press on knowing God DOES have a purpose for me. That road might look different than what I thought, but I am still walking. Still walking with Him.

I know I will push through these hard decisions reality brings me. And I will taste all aspects of this journey from the sauerkraut to the brownies. Even a bitter taste is still a taste, which fills me with life. And through my tears and my 'see you later''s I know God will heal my broken heart and create some kind of beauty as we all press forward fighting reality along the way.

Come quickly Lord Jesus. Bring Your Perfection. You ARE coming. THAT is reality.