alone

it is strange how I can be in a room and feel alone. My life is filled with love, laughter, friends, family, yet something happens at the end of the day. I sit and think alone. I wonder when my Savior will be coming for me, knowing I am not really alone, yet I still want to cry. My suffering is endured by my companions only for a moment, then, one after another, year after year, they disappear. And I am left alone again. In the moment of tears I DO have a shoulder to give my tears to, but after the tears have left their mark, and those that bear them walk away living, I sit again. No tears. No words. Nothing. Just silence. And wonderings of when my Savior will come again. Will my life always be this way? Avoidance of the issues I can’t control until I am left in silence long enough to proclaim sanity? Maybe. Maybe. Others have their lives to live. They cry tears and then goodness comes. I sit still and wait. And wait. And wait. Watching others misfortunes turn to gold. I am happy for them. They deserve it, mostly because God loves them. But…He loves me too. Isn’t that enough for me? Can it be? Alone, huh, yeah right. All that I see with my open eyes screams to me alone. I know when I close my eyes there is a world going on around me that only I can feel. Only my shut eyed spirit can grasp through belief. Almost even touching it with physical-ness. But my flesh demands that my eyes open again, and the spirit feels gone. Yet I know it lingers to me, on me, in...me. Alone, I am only alone in the sense that I am the only one who believes that word is impossible.