sea sick

I think I'm getting sea sick. Some people describe their life as mountains and valley's, but I feel lately my life is more like this ride I saw at an amusement park a few weeks ago. We were in Minneapolis MN for a onetimeblind trip. One of the evening activities was going to an amusement park. As we were walking towards the big coaster we stopped to talk to a few people from the conference. We didn't notice right away, but there were other people stopped as well. The reason was because everyone was watching the ride in front of us. We were standing in front of the RIPTIDE. It's a ride that is shaped like a u and would spin around. So the giant U would go up and down in a circle, but at the same time your chair would move as well. But as if that wasn't enough spinning, spraying up from the bottom of the ride was water. This water reminded me of the Las Vegas dancing fountains that are so pretty as they danced to the music. This "fountain" however was dancing more on the screams of children as it sprayed up into their faces as they swung by. And every once in awhile the ride would stop as the water sprayed up forcefully letting the lucky rider really get soaked. It sort of looked refreshing, but it made me feel a bit sick as well. Up, down, up, down, spin, spray, spin, screaming, up, down, spinning...yeah, right now, I feel a bit like that.

Yesterday church was amazing. God's presence was POWERFUL and I felt so much peace, joy and freedom. I danced so much my legs are stiff today. Seriously. That didn't happen even in the 90's at the Wayside (long story). It was an amazing day filled with God's Presence, birthdays and balloons, and wonderful fellowship. But today, was a bit nerve racking. Hopeful, yet sad. Exciting twisted with confusion. Unfair and unjust. It kinda felt like the world was not balanced properly. And I guess it's not.

Sometimes life gives me too many choices and I'm not sure which one to choose. I'm not sure there is a wrong door, but I still have to choose one. This stupid compassionate heart. sigh.

Lots of questions. Lots of feelings. More than I can explain right now in this moment. Maybe tomorrow the clouds will clear and something will remain. I just don't think it was supposed to be this hard. But what can I do? Just sit still and let the water force it's way up my nose. And keep remembering it's not forever. I'll be on the ground again soon.