thoughts of mine : Christmas time is here.....

2013 Christmas is HERE!!!! and boy did it come quickly.

Before we talk about that...there's a special Happy Day I wish to wish to my lovely husband. Drew is awesome. I can't explain how much I love this man that God has given me. We celebrated 16 years (to which he reminded me the years cuz I can't remember anything anymore) a few days ago and I'm so thankful. He takes care of Asher and I, he works several jobs that he actually loves and is always asking me if I need help or if I'm ok. I'm so thankful to live this wonderful, crazy life with the man who made me a Smith.

AH....CHRISTMAS!!!!

We are celebrating our Christmas at my sisters house this year. I haven't been here since last year January shortly after we found out we were pregnant. When we were visiting I started bleeding and I was 5 hours from home and feeling nervous about the possibilities of miscarrying. 11 months later I sit here with my teething baby filled with joy, hope and love. God is so good.

I know every year is different. I know not all years are happy and filled with God's wonder. I know it's not this happy for lots of people. And I know we will continue to have our ups and downs. But this year, for us, we are living in a hopeful believing world filled with carmel corn and giggles and we are loving it.

I do wish the rest of my family was with us. I hate celebrating holidays without my brothers & Aiko. :(
Things in life are good. It seems the holidays came so fast and before I knew it I was back to work. Asher is in daycare, and it's not easy, but it's ok. The first week was horrible. It's been stressful for me a little because Asher wont eat from a bottle yet. I just can't get him to like it. He goes to daycare close to where I work so I go feed him twice a day. I don't mind as I like seeing him, but it does take away from work, and I'm not sure how long I will be allowed to do it. So we keep trying and praying. Asher is irresistibly cute and so it's hard to force him to do anything. I mean, he's on a schedule, but he's such an easy going baby the only time he cries is when he's really tired or when he wakes up hungry. (which is only in the morning) Although lately he's been teething and so that is a new world of pain that we are both trying to figure out. Did I mention how cute he is? Oh. My. Word.

So I have a week off for the holidays and Drew and I are spending the first part with my sisters family and the second with Drew's family. We hope to see my little bro one day too. I'm thankful for the holidays, but I always look forward to that time when Christmas is over and New Years has past and we are now just in the boring winter months. Although they seem long once March gets here, I do like the slower pace of life. I always try to organize and regroup for the new year. I feel this year has been about learning so many new things. So many experiences I never thought I would have. So many products I never thought I would use. Wisdom I only heard about from friends. Such an interesting year. I know I will continue to learn new things as Asher grows and I learn what it means to be a mom and a wife in a new way. I don't always feel like I'm doing the best, but other moms tell me that's my new normal and that I'm doing a great job. I've learned about the mom guilt and how bad I feel when I forget something with Asher. I worry that he's not getting enough sleep, or food, or play time. I worry that I don't know what to do when he's sick or when he's sad. I know I just take each day as it comes, but it's a constant struggle to not think about it or be obsessed by it. I've also realized that I don't want to live in regret or guilt. I don't believe that's the way it's supposed to be. Was that part of Eve's curse? Did she live in guilt her whole life and pass it on to all mothers for the rest of time? Maybe so, but I also believe Jesus died so I didn't have to live in that curse anymore. So, I am trying to train myself at an early stage to not hold on to guilt. If any of you know the secret let me know. :)

Well, it's 11:46pm and Santa is about to arrive. Then I can go to bed as I'm a bit tired. We've already spread the reindeer food, placed Santa's cookies and watched for Santa on the Santa cam. Now, we play Santa and put out the gifts. I'm excited to see how Asher feels tomorrow. But I also know he will basically think it's a normal day. Cuz every day in Asher's World is amazing! He wakes up happy, gets food, gets love, gets smiles, gets clean diapers and fun toys. Asher's World is an amazing place to live. I pray it's always like that for him. Well, at least as long as we can keep it that way as we know these things don't last forever. But tomorrow we celebrate!

Merry Christmas everyone!

ps...in my new normal fashion all things are late. Here are a few Christmas photos as well!
pps: I'm posting an Asher Blog too. He has a few things to say...http://asherharrissmith.blogspot.com/