Tick tock...tick tock...tick tock...
The story of my life revolving around time.
Since I've had Asher, my time has been divided into small increments:
10 min for showering.
15 min to make breakfast and get Asher up.
20 min drive Asher to daycare/preschool.
30 min drive to work.
4 hours work.
30 min drive home.
3 1/2 hours more work.
30 min make dinner.
1 hour play with Asher.
30 min bath time.
30 min book reading and prayers.
1 hour to recuperate and get ready for the next day.
Over and over and over.
This year has been a season of learning, change, digging in deep, adjusting, starting over, mourning, cleaning up, forgetting and success. At the beginning of the year I listened to a lesson that talked about how we need to take risks this year because the circumstances in life are unusual. Meaning, so many strange things have happened in the world (Donald Trump, Brexit, crazy hurricanes and many unusual sports upsets) that possibly through all of this brokenness and unexpectedness God is setting us up for something amazing.
As soon as I heard that lesson, a series of events began to unfold in my life to push us to exhaustion and carry us farther from the goals we made in January. We had financial goals, then we had a plumbing issue that took most of our savings and caused us to use credit. Then work got crazy. Deadlines and pressure became a way of life for awhile as new programs were starting and new processes were being created and new people were being hired. Family issues. We were needing to step in to help take care of family members which resulted in many weekends away (most of the summer). All of that has been emotionally and physically exhausting. But you don't stop, right? I mean, I could look at the past 9 months and dwell on how hard they have been and wonder why and how and if we could have done anything differently. Or we can accept what is done and move on to what is ahead trusting that the GREAT REDEEMER will do just that - REDEEM.
I'm not meaning to write about our position to get pity. I'm just expressing the pressing in and pressing on top of us that we've felt this year. It feels relentless. It feels impossible to cure. But I'm constantly reminded of God's willingness to step in to these types of situations and do something amazing.
One of our goals Drew and I talked about on our way home from Christmas last year was our family. We have always wanted more kids. We've waited again knowing that God's timing is good, and perfect, and right. But we are still waiting. We discussed the options that we feel like we have right now. Each option seems complicated and so we prayed and asked God which path we should walk. Although they are all scary, one gave us more peace so that's the path we are going to walk. We've decided to do in-vitro fertilization again. I realize all the questions that come with this decision, but again, this is the one where we feel the most peace, so here we go. We've also realized a few things about this decision.
1. I'm getting older every second.
2. It might not work.
3. It's expensive and we can't do it alone.
I've had several friends tell me we should do a Go-Fund Me to raise money for the procedure. My response is always, "who would give money to something that only has less than a 3% chance of working?". In walks my cousin, Kate. She's amazing. I caught word that she was doing IVF and I started praying for their journey right away. She and her husband decided to do a Go-Fund Me and without thinking we donated. I was like, "Of course we would donate to this!", and God just looked at me and smirked. You didn't know He could smirk? Well, He does it to me ALL the time. Cuz I'm pretty hard headed and self focused and so I've decided to let go. We are praying that God will provide and that He will send people to us to help with that. God is a big god. No matter what the result, I will at least know we did what we felt led to do. And honestly, that's all that matters.
So here we are at the top of September hoping we would be doing treatments soon, and maybe we will. But God has to open those doors for us. I am believing Him to fill the bedrooms in our home with the children He desires us to have. No matter where this journey leads, we are walking it as fast or slow as He calls.
And so we ask you to prayerfully join us in this adventure. Please ask God to give us strength, direction and wisdom as we fight to complete our family. If you feel led to help us financially I believe God will bless that as well. I have come to realize we can't do life alone. In each season we need one another through life's ups and downs. I know God is good. I know He has a plan. I know He is smiling on our efforts and I know He's willing to meet us as we take another step towards Him.
If you would like to read more about the Go-Fund-Me please click this link:
https://www.gofundme.com/growinginlove
Here we go!
D, K and A
