Hope Lifts Us Up

“God has amazing plans for you and He is faithful in fulfilling His promises!”

I’ve said this phrase so many times I’ve almost become numb to it. I’m a speaker who travels with a ministry sharing the love of Christ through drama, music and speaking. I tell people across the country that God is amazing-that He can do anything. Some days I believe this, but in the past few years my heart hurts when I tell others these truths because I believe God can do anything for other people, but I’m not so sure what He can do for me.

My husband, Drew, and I have been trying to have children for more than seven years. We’ve had our trials through this process as traveling for a living and doctor appointments don’t always cooperate with each other. Although we still believe God will bring us children in His time, the waiting has caused my heart to wax and wane with wonderings and doubt.

Walking the road called “Infertility” has caused me to reevaluate hope and the danger it brings to my life. The bible tells us in Romans 5:5 that “hope does not disappoint us.” I want to live and breathe what the Word tells me. The confidence I gain by having God’s Word in my life is invaluable. However, this verse is hard to understand. Every month as we claim God’s promises and still don’t see the physical evidence of them, this verse leaves me more disappointed and confused. Hope gets more difficult every month, and compels me to question God’s promises and faithfulness in my life. I wonder if He sees me, hears me, or if He even cares.

But then something happened.

In the fall our ministry had a program in Missouri. I finished lunch and went for a walk and ended up in a Hallmark store. It seemedlike it would be a good distraction from my thoughts. As I was looking around, I noticed some little angel statues. They are carved wooden images of people-a little girl holding a flower, a mom holding her baby, a dad with kids and puppies. I did my usual glance and roll of my eyes. These statues were a glaring reminder of things I don’t have.

But then I saw a statues at eye level-a child holding a wire that formed the shape of a floating balloon on a string. He was looking up at the balloon as if it was about to lift him from the earth. Inside the balloon was written the word, "Hope".

It was entitled "Hope Lifts Us Up".

Hope lifts. Hope lifts. Hope lifts. I just stood there staring and then began to cry because I didn’t feel this was true. I forced myself to think about the children my heart longs for. We have prayed and tried to have children for so long. Every time I see a mother with a child, something in me yearns, longs, and exasperates to be blessed like she is.

Timing. I know. I have heard the sermon. Tell my heart one more time to "wait" and it will laugh. Wait sits on the outside of my heart and has been there for so long it seems to have taken me prisoner.

But strangely that is also where Hope knocks. He is like a little kid playing a prank on my heart. You know the trick - there’s a knock on the door and you go answer, but when you open the door, no one is there. Then when you close the door, there is another annoying knock.

I find myself playing this game with Hope month after month, year after year, and I can’t help but fall for its trickery. I MUST open the door. Every time I come to the conclusion that I will not Hope this time, or fall for Hope’s tricks, I see something in the window, just for a moment, then it’s hidden. Brown eyes, brown hair, a tiny shadow, a smile. A child playing tricks, knocking, then running away with jumps and giggles. I must answer. I must open the door to Hope. Disappointing is the wrong word to describe it. Hope is hidden.

After my Missouri trip, I drove to visit my sister and was thinking and praying about this Hope that confuses me so much. I was thinking of that little statue that so deeply struck my heart. There was something about it that brought peace to me. Hope lifts...Hope lifts....

I thought about asking my husband to buy it for me. I hadn’t told anyone about that statue and that intimate moment with the boy of Hope. I knew if I explained why I wanted it, Drew would buy it for me. I thought, No, I don't really need it, and I just kept driving, continuing to pray about my life.

I had a great visit with my sister and her family. I hadn't seen them for several months and the visit was priceless. I was standing at the door saying good-bye to everyone with my coat on and bags in hand when my sister said, "Oh! I almost forgot. I was downtown last week and went past a store and thought I should go in. I did and when I saw this, I knew you just had to have it.” I looked at the box and read, “Hope Lifts Us Up.” I burst into tears.

He hears me! And He says, “Hold onto Hope.”

We don’t have children yet, but I know God hasn’t forgotten us. His plan is right on time. When I look at the statue now, instead of “Hope disappoints,” I think, “No more Hope deferred!” (Proverbs 13:12). I am clinging to Him as I continue to push through these times of waiting. May our eyes be opened to His love that pulls us closer to Him, because sometimes the pain is so bad, so deep, all you feel is Jesus. And isn’t that a good thing?

Keep hoping. May it lift us up. And one day, Hope will lift us from the earth, and float us gently into our promise land.